I'm writing you a 4 page letter

I wrote a proper, written letter a few days ago for the first time in...well...for the first time ever actually!

When we were younger, my mate GM and I used to write little fun letters to each other, like friendship letters! (Check out GMs deep, thought provoking, and just generally sick blog here http://gaping-mind.blogspot.com/p/gaping-mind.html).     

Apart from that I've never had to write a hand written letter to anyone!  Actually I've written a few letters disputing parking tickets that've been unjustly issued to me!! (They usually get dismissed mwaha)

As you can see, GM has always been as articulate as she is....

Some call it mean, others, character building.....

So I was writing a letter to my friend Josh.  We've been friends since college, and he was actually one of the first people I met and befriended!  We had philosophy together in the first year, and immediately hit it off.  He dropped out of Philosophy a few weeks later (too much deep thinking for him apparently.  Plato and Aristotle didn't float his boat).  So we still saw each other around college and had a good chuckle.  

I became Josh's token asian friend.  Just to clarify for the american readers (My stats thingy informs me theres quite a lot you guys reading....or it's just the same one american...pressing f5 over and over....(I don't mind, continue)), anyway...just to clarify, in the UK when we say Asian, we're referring to Southern Asians, like Pakistanis and Indians and Bengalis etc. where as in the states you guys use the word Asian to refer to Chinese people right? (Or so american TV shows and stand ups have led me to believe!). 

Anyway I was Josh's token asian friend, and he used to think it was ok to openly shout things like:

 'THEIR NOT SERVING CURRY IN THE CANTEEN TODAY AYESHA HAHAHAHA'

He would usually do this when the canteen was at its busiest, and the best thing about the whole thing was other peoples reactions to this!  I went to a Catholic sixth form, so the majority of the students where white (which is actually a no brainer since it's England, but you'll be suprised in some areas where the majority of students aren't white!) I'm getting carried away again! *Concentrate woman!!* 

So people would look mortified when Josh would shout his seemingly racist blah blahs at me, and 'cuz i was usually by myself in the queue and people would all gasp for air like they do when something shocking has happened, I would struggle to think of a suitable, non-racist reply that would not result in me getting jumped by the white majority college.

I couldn't think of anything, so would just flip him the bird. 

So Josh is a Mormon (I think you use a capital M for the work Mormon.....yes?).

My limited knowledge of mormons (can't be bothered with the capital letter now, no offence peeps I'm just lazy) came from watching a few snippets of the show 'Big Love', which I can't comfortably watch, (even though Islam allows polygamy and stuff, I just find the idea of a bunch of wives chilling together weird).  

Josh assured me that the faith he practices is nothing like that.  But anyway, when guys in the Mormon church reach a certain age, they go on a 'Mission' kinda thing, where they get re-located around the globe to spread the good word o'the Lord.  

Josh, after a million and 1 mishaps, was eventually ready to be re-located and go on his mission.  He was expecting to go to some exotic, foreign land, expecting to be the mysterious Caucasian male who would captivate the heart of women and children (mainly the women, not so much the men) and make a real impact to the society he was delivered to, where Mormonism (spell check isn't disputing the authenticity of that word...) was a strange new compelling religion....

Instead he was sent to Scotland.

Although throughout the letter I kept asking 'How's the weather in Ireland!?!'

I know the difference between the two, It's just that I was convinced he went to Ireland until i read the address I had to send the letter to!

Well anyway, on the mission which Josh started about 4-5 months ago, you're not allowed to take your mobile, use the internet or ring people!! You're only allowed 2 phone calls in the year, I think one for Christmas and another just for funsys.  I suppose it's all so he can focus on proselyting and being spiritually connected to God (which you can still do via downlading the bible app on your phone, mr Mormon rule maker), But I get the sentiment of it all.

My letter should have reached Joshy by now, and I am eagerly awaiting a reply from him :D 

If you guys fancy writing a letter, why not write him!! You can tell him I told you to (I told him I blog now :D and gave him the web address, even though he'll probably never get the chance to use it while he's away mwahah) but just incase.  

Here's his address:

Elder Joshua Riddett 
32 Mossgiel Road 
Ayr
KA7 3DL 
Scotland

I think this is so true! Pinched from my friends FB :P 

I'm pretty sure he'd be super chuffed if he received a bunch of random letters, so go for it if you have a chance!! (Keep it clean and abuse free though gang, lets be semi-mature adults here)

If you're cheating by surfing the net in a seedy internet cafe Joshy, then I miss you and will see you soon :D 

xo